


I Will Rescue You

by stories_and_dreams



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Davenzi, Gay Male Character, M/M, POV Male Character, References to Depression, Season/Series 03, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2019-12-30 07:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18310901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stories_and_dreams/pseuds/stories_and_dreams
Summary: From the moment David sees the sad, despondent boy, he knows. He knows what he is going through because he has been there too. He doesn't know exactly what is torturing Matteo, but he wants to help him. To let him know everything will be okay. And that he is not alone. He just didn't expect that meeting Matteo would also shake up his safe existence.(This is my version of David's POV)Song inspiration: https://youtu.be/2FhQCYGYXzwAll translations of the show dialogue come from drucktarnslations.de





	1. Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> As I start this fic, Druck season 3, Ep.3 has just dropped. (I say that for those who may find this fic later on.) Because Druck is amazingly turning the tables on the canon of Skam S3, everyone has been trying to figure out exactly how S3 will play out and what issues (MI? Transphobia?) will exactly be tackled. Matteo seems to be showing some signs of the anxiety/depression/mental health issues but we don’t know for sure how far Druck will go with it. And we don’t really know anything at all about David’s background. We're not even sure if his character will be trans or not. 
> 
> I decided I really wanted to imagine what was David's story. What was he feeling and thinking?
> 
> In this story David will be trans. There may be some scenes/characters that are different than the show.

MONTAG  
08:05 —

  
  
David glanced back over his shoulder…yep, the boy was still looking at him. This was the first time _the boy_ had noticed him. The first time David had been able to look at him directly. He swore for a split second that time had stopped…but his legs didn’t and next thing he knew, they were past each other and the moment was over. 

 

David had first seen him weeks ago. The boy had been standing—or rather, leaning—against the wall as if his body was so heavy he needed the wall to hold it up. He was with his group of friends. David recognized one of the guys—Jonas, he thought was his name—from his math class. Jonas and the other two had been laughing and talking loudly and this boy with the messy, floppy hair, leaning against the wall looked so checked out. He was not smiling or laughing. He gave a half-hearted smile once when Jonas punched him on the shoulder after something one of the other two boys had said. But that smile barely lasted a second, and then his face was back to that blank, bored expression.

The scene had made David stop in his tracks. He watched for a few minutes before a group of girls walking by bumped into him, making him aware he was staring. The rest of the day and even that night at home, David had not been able to get the zoned-out boy out of his head. He was…beautiful, there was no other word. But he was also familiar—too familiar—to David. What he had seen that day triggered a sad déjà vu in him. Change the four boys to girls and that had been David five years ago. Except he had been well, not David, but a name that shall not be mentioned, then…and _she_ had been the one leaning up against the wall, bored and sad and desperate and lonely all at the same time. Going out of _her_ mind because everything just felt…wrong. And fake. So damn fake.

He wondered what the boy’s story was…and why was he so sad?

 

David couldn’t help himself after that. Every time he was at school (and not in class) he would look for the boy. When he found him, he would try to be inconspicuous and just…watch him. Sometimes the boy appeared happy and talking animatedly with his friends. But most of the time he just looked like he held the weight of the world on his shoulders. And like he didn’t care fuck-all about anything. 

On the fourth day of observing the boy, David’s heart sank a little. A pretty girl with long blonde hair came up to the boy and kissed him on the cheek. David knew the girl from his PE class. Sara was her name. The boy put his arm around Sara’s waist and she took advantage of the encouraging move to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him more passionately.

So. The boy and Sara were a thing. Except, he noticed that the boy was the one who broke the kiss and shrugged out of Sara’s embrace. And he didn’t look any happier with her than he had with his friends.

 

 

FREITAG  
20:45 —

David sighed. It was Friday evening. He should be home, but he was still at school. There was an Abi-prank meeting at—he pulled out his phone to check the time. _Fuck,_ it had started ten minutes ago. His sister had nagged him to go. She was a year older, already at university. She kept telling him this was his last year of school and he should make friends and get involved in something. He hadn’t been at this school very long, and frankly all he cared about was getting through his classes and passing Abi so that he could be done.

She had asked him about what type of Abi activities the school was doing, and when he mentioned that some girls had come up to him at lunch and invited him to this Abi-prank meeting, she practically put his coat on for him and shoved him out the door.

So here he was. He hurried toward the room where the meeting was being held, almost not noticing the person who had just come out of the same room. 

“Uhm…I wouldn’t go in there.”

David turned to face the voice and his heart skipped a beat. It was _the_ _boy_. Speaking to _him_.

“Why?” David replied.

“They are doing some kind of trust circle thing.”

Oh-kay, David thought, not sure what the boy meant. “I see,” was what he said instead. 

“You know, with holding hands?”

The boy had gestured with his hand for emphasis and David couldn’t help but glance down at it. The boy was obviously opposed to holding hands, but David didn’t really think it would be so awful.

“Unless you feel like doing something like this.”

David hesitated in answering what sounded like…a challenge? The boy was looking directly at him and there was something in his eyes…

David let another beat pass as he tried to figure out what to say, what _the boy_ would want him to say. He finally went with one word. “Nope.”

“I thought so.”

The expression on the boy’s face looked like he wanted to smile…but then he turned away. He started fiddling around in his coat pocket and David just stood there, waiting to see what he would do or say next.

What he did was hold up a joint.

“Fancy a joint?”

“Yes, sure.”

“Cool. Come.”

David tried not to smile as the boy put the joint behind his ear and cocked his head. David couldn’t decide if he was trying to flirt or was just being dorky but it was cute, nonetheless.

The boy took off down the hall and David followed.

“What’s your name?”

“David,” he replied. “And you are?”

“Matteo.”

 _Matteo._ Something joyful fluttered in David’s chest. He _finally_ knew the boy’s name.

 

They ended up outside the school building. Now that they were out here, alone, David wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or not. His sister said he should make friends but…after all that had happened at his last school, he had his guards up. It was easier to just keep to himself. Or keep interactions strictly to class-related discussions. If it had been anyone other than Matteo that had invited him out here, he probably would have said no. But this boy had talked to him…had willingly asked David to come smoke with him. David wanted to play it cool and find out why.

Matteo leaned his shoulder against the wall and lit the joint. David mirrored Matteo, leaning his back against the building.

“You’re new here?”

Of course he would start with that question, David thought. 

“Yes, why?” David would volunteer no information.

Matteo ducked his head. “Just wanted to know.”

“Ok.”

Matteo shrugged. “Well…it’s kind of weird.”

David shut his eyes briefly. This is why he didn’t want to talk to people. He turned his face to look at Matteo. “Not really, why?”

“I mean, this close to Abi…” Matteo took another drag off of the joint.

“I had to move.”

“I see. Why?” 

Inside, David was sighing in frustration. Outside…Matteo was waiting for his answer.

“I killed someone and had to go into hiding.” He certainly couldn’t tell the truth. Might as well be as outrageous as possible.

Matteo, still looking down, had a small smile start on his lips. He handed the joint to David. “Stress with your parents?”

 _Sure,_ thought David. “Yes.” And then he thought of something else. “That’s why they’re dead now.” He closed his eyes just before he took a drag off the joint. When he faced Matteo he saw that small, restrained grin trying to come out again. _Come on Matteo, you can do it…_

Matteo’s mask slipped back on. David looked at him. This was the first time he’d been so close to him, and he was even more beautiful than he’d been from far away.

Even with an eyelash on his cheek that he didn’t seem to notice. 

“You have an eyelash there.” 

Matteo reached up and plucked it perfectly right off of his face. His eyes met David’s.

“Am I allowed to make a wish now?”

Matteo’s tongue darted out to lick his lip and David’s heart flip-flopped. “No idea,” he answered coolly, then immediately took another hit of the joint to calm himself.

Matteo glanced down at the ground. “I thought…one is allowed to make a wish now.”

David handed him the joint back and when he looked up, it was right into Matteo’s eyes. If he told Matteo to make a wish right now…what would it be? The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he chickened out and swallowed them instead. “It was just an eyelash,” he said with a tone of indifference.

Matteo looked down again. “Ok” was his quiet response.

Matteo was looking like the sad boy again and David started to feel like shit. So he tried again. “What would have been your wish though?”

“Don’t know. Go on holiday or something.” 

Matteo took a drag from the joint and David looked away.

“Mm, I know this feeling.” And David did. Very well, in fact.

“And where do you want to go?”

David tried not to smirk. “You have to know. It was your eyelash.”

“I don’t know, I’d say just get into a car and drive away.”

Both of them looked off into the distance. David smiled. “Yes, and then directly to Detroit.”

“Detroit?” 

“Yes. Best music city ever.” David felt the smile break across his face as he looked back at Matteo.

“Hey na. Don’t feel like Abi prank?” Sara had found them.

David watched as she came up behind Matteo and ducked around his shoulder to kiss him.

“Hey,” she said to David.

David turned and acknowledged her greeting but didn’t say anything. She gestured to the joint in his hand.

“May I?”

David handed her the joint. His heart sank a little.

“Nice, thanks.” She said.

And David decided that was his cue. “I have to go. See you.” Without another look he turned and walked away.


	2. Episode 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please ignore/be kind for any mistakes, I am trying to get these up quickly. :)

SAMSTAG  
11:35 –

 

An old White Stripes song blared loudly out of the speaker on his desk while David lay on his bed, his notebook propped on his knees. He mindlessly added more shading to Matteo’s hair. It was a sketch of Matteo when he had “almost” smiled at David’s comment that he had killed someone. The page was filled with other small images of him, in various expressions—looking down, smoking…even one of him smiling with the joint behind his ear. David had started sketching him this morning and couldn’t seem to stop.

His bedroom door opened.

“Guten Morgan brother!”

His sister Laura. David didn’t hear what she said but he could read her sign language of her finger pointing at his desk and twirling in a circle. He reached for his phone and stopped the music, then went back to sketching.

“You’re supposed to knock.” David grumbled.

“I would have if I thought you could have heard me!”

The bed bounced as she climbed onto the bed next to him, causing David’s pencil to zig-zag on the paper.

“Laura! Go away!” He flipped his pencil around to erase the errant pencil mark.

Laura just laughed. “Ohh! I’m sorry baby brother! I’m destroying another masterpiece, am I?”

When David didn’t respond, she continued. “I just wanted to see how the Abi meeting went! Did you have fun? Did you meet some people?”

David glanced at her before turning back to his sketchbook. “I did, actually.”

“Ah! Yes!” She poked as his cheek with her finger. “And you’re smiling! Yes! You did have fun!”

“Ow!” David curled away from her but she just tackle-hugged him, breaking both of them out into laughter. 

“Ok, ok,” she said finally. “Tell me all about it!”

As David struggled to sit upright, his sketchbook moved into Laura’s sight. Before he could stop her, she had grabbed it. There was silence as she studied the page.

“And, who is this?” She said quietly.

“His name is Matteo. I hung out with him for a bit last night.” David turned to look Laura in the eye. “And he has a girlfriend. So don’t get any ideas, he’s just…cool.” 

She nodded and handed the book back to him.

“I thought you wanted me to meet people? Well, I met someone!” 

Laura reached up and stroked David’s hair. “I do, Davi.” She said, using her special nickname for him. “And I’m glad. It’s great. So…tell me about him.”

“Actually we didn’t get to talk long so I don’t know him that well. But…I know him.” David stared into space. “I’ve seen him around school. He’s so…sad. Quiet. Rarely smiles, even when he is with his friends. He doesn’t seem happy.”

Looking at David, Laura didn’t say any more, she understood what he was trying to say. She just sighed and wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

 

 

SONNTAG

09:25

 

David groaned and opened the gym door. An advanced PE lesson on a Sunday morning? Ridiculous.

He heard shrieking female voices across the room, laughing and giggling at something. _Shit_. It was Sara, Matteo’s girlfriend, and another girl from their class. He immediately looked away and bent down, pretending to tie his shoelace, hoping they wouldn’t see him.

“Hey! Hello! Hello!”

David sighed. He stood up and smiled, holding his hand up in a small wave. “Hey.”

The girls jogged over to him. 

“We met last night. You were with Matteo? I’m Sara.”

“Hi, I’m David.”

“Hi David! This is Leonie.” She pointed to the other girl, who was all smiles.

Leonie, held her hand up in a cute little wave. “Hi.”

David nodded at her. “Hi.”

The three of them stood there for an awkward moment. 

“We are the first ones here.” Leonie said. 

Sara pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to David. “Let’s be goofy, come on Leonie! David will you take some video for us?”

David took a few photos and some video while the girls did cartwheels and splits. Then they dragged him into the mix, making him exercise with them and take silly pictures for Instagram. The girls were incredulous when they found out that he didn’t have an Instagram account they could tag him in, and they hounded him about getting one, almost to the point of creating one there on the spot for him. He was only able to stop them by promising he would set one up.

Later, as he was walking home, he smiled, thinking of the girls. They were actually really nice. He’d had fun hanging out with them, the first “fun” he’d really had at this school since he’d gotten here. He could see why Matteo dated Sara.

 

 

MONTAG

09:55

 

David shut his locker and bent down to pick up his back pack. Glancing down the row of lockers he saw Matteo at his locker, not the first time he had seen Matteo there, but…this was the first time Matteo saw him. His next class was in the opposite direction, but he decided to take the long way around so that he would have to walk by Matteo.

“Hi,” David chose to speak first. 

“Hi. Eh, well, everything’s fine?” 

“Of course.” _I’m talking to you._ David thought.

“Cool.”

The smile on Matteo’s face made David feel warm all over.

“Hi!”

Leonie walked up to them, breaking their moment. 

“Hi. Ok, Bye.” David hightailed it out of there.

He barely paid attention in his next class. Twice he’d had a chance to talk to Matteo and twice he couldn’t leave fast enough when Sara and Leonie interrupted them. Matteo must think he is the weirdest person in the world. The truth was he was still scared of social interaction. His therapist had told him that the new school environment would help. He’d be starting over as a new person, in a place where no one had ever knew him pre-transition. They would only know David. And he knew she’d been right, he understood it and kept telling himself that…but as soon as he was in a situation, he panicked a little. He supposed he was still afraid they would be able to tell, somehow, or guess what he had been.

At least that was what he kept telling himself. It had nothing to do with being near Matteo when other people were around. Nah, nothing to do with that at all.

 

 

DIENSTAG

19:40 –

 

David looked at the sketch of the bird he’d just finished. Flipping through his notebook to find a place for it, he stopped at a picture of a tree that had been in his book for a while. He studied both images for a few minutes. Finally he trimmed the bird carefully from the paper it was drawn on and glued it on to the tree. He wasn’t sure why the images worked together. One was color and one was black and white maybe? Birds and trees…birds build nests in trees. They shelter in trees. _Hmmm._ This bird sure needed a shelter to keep him safe—he only had one good wing. The other wing was broken. He had started thinking about Matteo while he was sketching the bird and for some reason just stopped when he got to that wing. He supposed the bird represented him once, not being completely whole. But he was okay now, mostly. Matteo though…he was pretty sure that Matteo was not whole either.

He picked up his phone and took a photo of the image, as he usually did when he completed something. Staring at the picture on the phone he got an idea. He started tapping on the phone, first downloading the app and then setting up an account. Within a few minutes it was done. He was officially on Instagram…again. He stopped that train of thought quickly before memories started flooding back. Instead he uploaded the bird and tree collage as his first post.

 

 

FREITAG

18:11 –

 

David stood, looking out the window, while the bus made yet another stop. He was thinking about the weekend, what he needed to start studying for Abi. When he glanced up to the front of the bus he saw Matteo coming down the aisle toward him.

“Hey.” Matteo had noticed him.

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

“Fine.” David watched as Matteo looked away. For a few minutes they did the awkward, social where-do-I-look-now-and-what-do-I-say thing, while they each tried to sneak glances at the other. The way Matteo looked at him when he did look at him, made David’s stomach flip-flop nervously. And it was hard to look away.

A man started coming down the aisle, checking for people’s tickets.

“Fuck,” Matteo muttered under his breath.

David glanced at him. “No ticket?”

Matteo shook his head no. 

The man was getting closer to them, and David didn’t want Matteo to get thrown off the bus. He didn’t know why Matteo didn’t have a ticket but he didn’t want to lose this chance to talk to him some more. And what if Matteo lived too far to walk the rest of the way?

David walked up to the man. He handed him his ticket and then started babbling. He pretended to not know where he was going and that he’d gotten on the wrong bus. The man told him what direction and what bus he needed to be on. David kept at it, though, trying to keep the man from asking Matteo for his ticket. He played complete idiot, asking more stupid questions about how to get on the bus, and even if his month-pass ticket would be good on the other bus. _“And in the other bus it’s also…the same month?”_

The man was getting annoyed with him. He tried to move past David.

“Can you please show me your ticket?” _Shit._ Ticket man was now looking at Matteo, who began digging in his bag for his nonexistent ticket.

David was out of ideas and options. He turned to Matteo.

Suddenly, at that perfect moment, the bus pulled up to the next stop. He and Matteo jumped off the bus before the man could catch them, laughing as they ran down the street.

 

“Ah, thanks,” Matteo said breathlessly as they finally slowed down.

“No problem, no problem.” David answered. 

Matteo told him it would have been his third time.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“No problem at all.” David felt warm in his chest, glad that he had been able to help Matteo.

“Wanna smoke?

David smiled. “Yes.”

“Let’s head to my place. I live down there.”

Matteo pointed down the block and David couldn’t believe he lived that close.

“Why do you take the bus for two stops, when you live down here?”

“Huh? Because I’m lazy.”

David laughed. Matteo called him a genius for the bus shenanigans and they both laughed and chuckled together. It felt really good. For one thing, David had not laughed like this with a friend in a long time. And it was also nice to see Matteo laughing and smiling. In all the time David had been watching him, he’d never seen Matteo quite so free with his other friends, and David was happy he’d made Matteo look like that.

  

Matteo explained on their walk that he lived in an apartment with three other people. He didn’t say how he came to be in that situation, and David didn’t want to press him to explain.

The apartment was empty when they arrived. They left their coats and bags by the door and wandered into the kitchen.

“Welcome,” Matteo said. 

David noticed the Xbox controller and asked about it. When Matteo said he had an emulator on the computer and a free switch, David was impressed. Those were really complicated to set up.

As they talked, David mentioned he liked to draw. Now Matteo was impressed. He wanted to see and David found himself getting his sketchbook out of his bag and handing it to Matteo. No one other than Laura looked at his sketchbook but he felt like he wanted Matteo to see his art. Even though his heart was pounding.

“Nice,” Matteo said as he flipped through the pages.

David watched Matteo carefully the whole time but his appreciation of David’s work seemed genuine. At the page of the bird and the tree, Matteo paused.

“This bird looks really nice.”

David’s face grew warm and he tried not to smile, but inwardly his brain was singing, happy that Matteo liked his work. “Well…I don’t know,” he responded humbly.

“Yes! You have talent. That combination with the tree. I like that, when…you stick something self-made on photos.”

David smirked. “That’s called collage.”

Matteo laughed at his smart-ass comment. David loved hearing him laugh.

The next pages were stuck together.

“Why can’t I look through them and why are they…”

David immediately reached over to close the book. “Those are the private ones. Actually they are all private.”

“Actually you already showed them to me, so… It doesn’t matter.” Matteo casually brushed David’s hand away and kept ahold of the book.

David was so enamored with Matteo’s hand touching his, he didn’t even protest. He was just thankful the sketches he’d done of Matteo were in a different notebook at home.

  

Eventually they started smoking and before he knew it, David was babbling about some stupid shit. Matteo was just watching him and laughing.

They talked about what they wanted to do after school. That brought down Matteo’s mood again. So David told him about how he wants to make movies, and that his favorite movie right now was a vampire movie called Only Lovers Left Alive. 

David’s buzz was starting to chill and he realized how much time had passed. “Do you have something to eat? I’m really hungry.”

They both walked over to the kitchen counter. Matteo had bread. Good. He opened the fridge…he had cheese. Good. Then he surprised David by pulling out random other ingredients—okay, really they were just condiments.

“Pickled cucumber?” 

“Yes.”

“Ketchup?”

David nodded. “Yes.”

“Mustard?”

“Yes, of course!” David replied a little more hesitantly. Was Matteo going to pull out everything in the refrigerator? And David kept stupidly saying yes.

Next Matteo pulled out a can of whipped cream. Sure, add it to the mix, why not?

They assembled the master creations and grilled them in the Panini maker. When they were done, they faced each other, almost daring the other to eat the cheese sandwiches. _1..2..3…_ They finally both took a big bite at the same time.

David chewed carefully… “Weird…but somehow good.” Matteo looked like he needed more convincing. 

They were still laughing over the sandwiches when Matteo’s phone buzzed. David tried to not pay attention while Matteo answered a text from someone. But whoever it was from or whatever the message was, caused gray clouds across Matteo’s face. David didn’t want to ask, so he tried to distract Matteo.

“What percentage do you have in Zelda?” It took David repeating the question twice before Matteo came back to life, putting his phone away. 

“Uhm, I think 31 or so. Do you want to see it?” 

David paused. He wasn’t expecting that question. “Of course,” he stuttered.

Matteo left the room to go to the bathroom, and David started getting anxious. Matteo had already mentioned the games were on the computer…and the computer was probably in Matteo’s room. For some reason that made him freak out. If he weren’t still a little stoned maybe he would have made a different choice, but at the moment he chose to grab his coat and bag and leave.

 

David closed the door of his apartment and his whole body sagged against the door, relieved and yet also disappointed to be home. 

“David? David is everything okay?”

David jerked upright, then relaxed. “Laura.” He turned away to take his coat off.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Where have you been?” She held her hands up in surrender when he faced her. “Not keeping tabs little brother, just want to know if you were having fun? Don’t get bent out of shape.”

He sighed. “I was.”

She patted the seat on the couch next to her. He sat his bag down on the floor and shuffled over to collapse on the couch next to her. 

“I ran into Matteo on the bus home. He invited me to his place. We had a great time, we talked video games, I showed him my sketchbook—”

“You showed him your sketchbook?” Laura exclaimed.

David ignored her. “We talked about what we wanted to do after school was done, we made these really disgusting sandwiches.” He smiled automatically at the memory. “Then he offered to show me his percentage in Zelda on his computer. And I left while he was in the bathroom.”

“Wait, you just left? While he was in another room? You left without telling him you were leaving? Rude much, brother?”

David groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. “I know, I know.” His voice was muffled by his hands.

“So, why did you leave, Davi?” She asked quietly. 

He answered without looking at her. “We would have had to go into his bedroom, and I don’t know why…but I freaked.”

“He has a girlfriend, you said, right?”

“Yes. It wasn’t anything like that…I just…I don’t know. Why do I find it so hard to get close to people? I can’t stop being afraid someone is going to be able to…tell.”

Laura sat up to look at him. “Oh Davi, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You’ve had a long road to get here. You had a bad experience at your old school. Don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not ready for, but…don’t obsess over it either, or let it hold you back. Take your time. But please, for fuck’s sake, tell someone when you’re leaving their apartment!” 

David rolled his eyes and smiled. Laura laughed then got serious again.

“As for afraid of getting close to people…you showed him your notebook and you don’t show that to anyone.” She raised her eyebrows then leaned over and kissed him on the forehead before getting up and walking into the kitchen.

“Are you hungry or did that disgusting sandwich fill you up?” she yelled.

 


	3. Episode 3

SONNTAG

14:55 —

 

David spent the afternoon studying. His books were spread out all over his desk and he swore his brain was starting to turn to jelly from information overload. Sighing, he stretched his arms high over his head and sat up straighter. Ah, that felt good. He twisted his head back and forth to loosen his neck. He decided he’d better get up and walk around, maybe go to the kitchen for a snack, when his phone buzzed. He grabbed it from the table and checked the alert. WhatsApp messages…from Matteo.

**_M: Cool afternoon on Friday. Everything okay? You were suddenly gone._ **

**_[smile emoji]_ **

David exhaled. His thumbs hovered over the keyboard but he couldn’t make them type. What did he tell Matteo?

Laura poked her head in the doorway. “Hey I’m running to the store, you need anything?”

“Um…uh…yeah.” David darkened the screen and shoved his phone in his pocket, turning toward his sister. “Actually, can I come?”

She shrugged her shoulders and they left together. Saved from responding.

An hour later he sat back down at his desk. Pulling out his phone, he unlocked the screen and the WhatsApp messages from Matteo were still there. He knew he needed to give Matteo an answer. The guy deserved that much. David couldn’t help but smile and shake his head at the cutesy smile emoji Matteo had sent. He started typing…

**_So sorry, had to leave._ **

_Duh, you idiot_ , he thought. It was a lame answer but it was something. His phone buzzed with another message. 

**_M:_ _Anyway, I still have your beanie here._**

David leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes briefly. So…leaving the beanie had been pure accident. He remembered grabbing it…but it must have dropped out of his hand when he was putting his coat on. He had been in such a rush to leave before Matteo came back. But now, if nothing else, it created an opportunity to talk to him again.

 

 

 

MONTAG

11:50 —

 

David walked into the gym for class and was surprised to see Matteo sitting with his friends. Not thinking about it too much, he headed over to where they were. As he got closer he saw that Matteo seemed to be bickering with that Jonas guy, but he couldn’t hear what it was about.

“Hey,” David said. 

Four pairs of eyes looked up at him. Matteo did not acknowledge his greeting.

“Do you have my beanie?” he asked.

“What beanie?”

David looked down at the floor, wishing it might swallow him up. His mood fell and he immediately regretted approaching Matteo so publicly, in front of his friends. He took a breath and tried to shake off his disappointment at Matteo’s response. 

“The one I forgot in geography.” Head up, he looked directly at Matteo.

Matteo shook his head no.

Heart racing, David glanced quickly at the other boys. “Okay. Ciao.” Quickly he turned and walked away.

  

David pushed the whole encounter away and focused on the rest of his classes. Once he got home, it all descended again. He was so glad Laura wasn’t home. He went straight to his room and shut the door, sinking into his bed. He just kept seeing Matteo’s guarded expression and he couldn’t get it out of his mind. Matteo had pretended not to know David in front of his friends. A spike of anger hit him. That was a pretty shitty way for Matteo to treat him. _But you left his apartment without word or reason,_ another voice inside of him said.

He sighed. Ok, so yeah that had been a pretty shitty thing to do too. And after David had said he left the beanie in geography class, he swore he saw relief in the way Matteo looked back at him. Of course David knew all too well the secrets you had to keep sometimes to fit in with your friends. But it wasn’t like he and Matteo had done anything but hang out. They smoked and talked about video games for fuck’s sake. _Then why did you run?_

David shook his head. It was all stupid. He would just keep his distance from Matteo. He could go buy another beanie, it wasn’t that important.

 

 

MITTWOCH

12:43

 

David was at his locker. He had his back turned and didn’t notice Matteo until he heard his voice.

“Hey.” 

David turned. “Hey.”

Matteo smiled. “So, everything okay?”

Now that they were alone, Matteo was a complete 180 degree different mood from the other day in the gym and David vowed to guard himself from it. So he just nodded and looked away.

Matteo handed him his beanie and David reflexively gave a nervous smile before placing the hat in his locker.

“I got in trouble with my roommate because of how the kitchen looked.”

David’s armor melted a little. Okay, so, Matteo was trying to have conversation with him. He still felt like Matteo was ignoring their interaction in the gym. But then again, David was also a little at fault. He should have waited to approach Matteo when he was alone, right?

David grinned. “It was cool with you.”

“So apparently I’m hosting a party on Friday and you’re welcome to come around if you want to.” 

Matteo surprised David with the invitation. He tried to play it calm.

“I’ll see. Thanks.” That was a good answer. Not a yes, and not a no, either.

“Then, eh, until Friday, maybe.” Matteo smiled encouragingly, and David suddenly felt flustered.

“Yes, umm…” He tried to form a response while his hand seemed to reach into his locker by itself. Except he didn’t need to grab anything else in there, and immediately he realized how dorky he probably looked. “… See you,” he finished.

Matteo walked away and David let out a breath.

 

 

 

FREITAG

20:00

 

David posted his latest drawing to his still-new Instagram account. Leonie and Sara had been on him earlier for never posting anything. As he stared at the picture, he wasn’t sure he should have posted it. He heard all the other kids at school talking about their Friday night plans, and where they were going or who they were going with. No one had asked him what he was doing. Well, except Sara and Leonie. Sara had mentioned her boyfriend was having a party. So he volunteered that Matteo had invited him, and the girls got all excited. He told them the same thing he’d told Matteo—maybe. As he critiqued his sketch he knew it was pathetic. One lone figure observing another couple from a distance. It was clearly him at parties, he really was never comfortable at them. At least before, he hadn’t been. But now…maybe Matteo’s party would be different? And Matteo inviting him was something right? I mean he surely must be okay with David meeting his friends now, or else he wouldn’t have invited him, right?

The only thing was…David really didn’t want to walk into that party alone.

David walked into the living room. Laura was on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

He went over and sat down beside her.

She smiled at him and kept scrolling.

He swallowed. “Hey. So…are you going out tonight?”

She didn’t look up from her phone. “Eh, I was just looking up movie times. Was going to message the girls and see if they wanted to get together and hang out.”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

She glanced side-eye at him. “What are you doing?” 

“Um, well. I got invited to a party.” 

A broad smile crossed her face and she punched his arm. “Davi, that’s great! Where’s it at?”

“Ehm, at Matteo’s flat.”

Her expression was more cautious now. “Ok, well. Good. Have a good time.” 

“Actually…well…would you maybe, go with me?”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “To a high-school party? You want to take your old sister with you?”

David rolled his eyes. “You’re not old, you only graduated last year. I just—“ he paused and looked down at his hands. “I…don’t want to go alone.”

She let out an exaggerated sigh, before her expression sobered. She placed her hand on his. “Ok, fine. I will go with you. Just don’t tell anyone I let you drag me to a high school party.”

David smiled gratefully at his sister.

 

 

 

FREITAG

21:00

 

When they got to Matteo’s floor, they could hear the music all the way down the hall. Laura started dancing silly dance moves to get David to laugh. They burst into Matteo’s apartment…and ran right into someone Laura knew from university. They immediately hugged she and David. Apparently Matteo’s roommates Hans and Linn, had also invited friends too. 

David poked Laura in the side with his elbow. “See? It’s not just a high-school party.” She shoved him and went off in search of a drink.

David took in the room, his eyes searching until they found their subject. Matteo.

He was standing by a doorway and looked like he’d rather be anywhere but at this party. In fact, David wasn’t even sure if he was aware he was at a party. 

David ran into Leonie and Sara and hung with them for a bit. Sara was drinking way too much and did not look good at all.

He also ran into someone from one of his classes and chatted with him for a while. He felt better about coming to the party, and was glad there were some people he knew. Still, he couldn’t help but keep tabs on Matteo. He was concerned with how detatched he looked.

David felt an arm on his shoulder.

“All right little brother. Is that your Matteo?” Laura gestured toward Matteo with her bottle.

“Yes…but he’s not my Matteo.” David said quickly.

Laura just cocked her head and looked at him, but didn’t say a word.

A few minutes later David looked over and saw Laura talking to Matteo. Shit. He wondered what they were talking about. He was about to head over to interrupt them when the door to the apartment banged open and a literal parade of people yelling and dancing and waving their hands in the air streamed into the party. He learned later that one of them was Matteo’s roommate, Hans. Matteo was distracted and Laura walked off. David let out a breath. Crisis averted.

Hans and his friend were jumping up and down and clearly enjoying themselves. He saw Hans go over and pull Matteo into the crowd. David had to hide a smile. He gave Matteo credit for…well, attempting to dance with Hans. 

However, the next time he looked over, Hans’ friend was dancing with Matteo. He was getting closer to him, into Matteo’s space. It looked like he was putting his hands on Matteo’s waist and that’s when Matteo snapped. He gave the guy a little shove and said something, then walked away. David started to follow Matteo, but saw him go into a room and shut the door.

David kept watch but Matteo never came out of the room. Leonie had to take Sara home because Sara was so sick.

 

When the party started to break up. Jonas went to Matteo’s door and was yelling for him, calling him “Luigi,” and spouting some other nonsense about naked girls or something. But Matteo never answered or opened the door.

David was concerned but wasn’t sure what to do. He knew Matteo was dealing with something. He looked defeated and depressed. David remembered those feelings. He had often locked himself away in his room. And no, yelling through the door hadn’t worked on him either. What had worked, was time…and patience.

Laura tugged at his arm. “Are you ready to go?”

David glanced around, not realizing how fast the apartment had cleared out. There were just a few people left, all heading for the door. Two of them were Matteo’s roommates. If they were leaving too, that meant Matteo would be here all alone.

“I…I think I should stay.”

Laura looked at him with concern.

David gestured toward Matteo’s door. “He’s…locked himself away, Laura. Everyone is leaving. Someone should be here. Like you were.” 

Laura sighed, and rubbed David’s shoulder. “But I’m your sister. You…barely know him, right?”

David cast his eyes down toward the floor.

“Davi, it’s sweet that you want to be there for him. And I’m glad you’re making friends, I just worry that you might want him to be more than that and I just want you to be careful.”

“He dates a girl, Laura.” 

She nodded, but didn’t look convinced. “Ok, just remember that,” she said quietly. “Go ahead and stay, I’m heading home. Call if you need anything.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

As she closed the apartment door behind her, the place fell eerily quiet. David stood there awkwardly. He walked quietly over to Matteo’s door and stood outside it for a minute, listening. He put a hand lightly on the door but then withdrew it. Matteo would come out when he was ready.

David surveyed the rest of the apartment. It was a mess. He decided to start cleaning up. Might as well be useful.

He started in the kitchen. After all, he probably owed Matteo’s roommates after the sandwich mess they left the last time David was here. Rinsing out cups and bottles in the sink, it wasn’t long until he heard a door open and footsteps. His heart sped up but he kept doing what he was doing, just letting Matteo find him.

When Matteo finally rounded the corner, David looked up.

“Everything okay?” he asked Matteo. His mouth was dry. What do you say to someone when you’re in their apartment alone?

“Aren’t you with the others?”

“Nope, I felt like cleaning up.” David couldn’t believe he said that. Would Matteo think he was weird?

David didn’t move, just stayed by the sink. Matteo shuffled over to the other counter and brought some bottles over, emptying them in the sink. He was close enough now that David could really look at him. His heart twisted—Matteo looked a mess. 

“You look good today.” David wasn’t sure why that popped out, but he hoped Matteo believed him.

Matteo turned to lean against the sink. The corner of one side of his mouth twitched…he was attempting a smile but that sad little twitch was all the energy he could put into it.

“Everything is fucking me up at the moment.”

David was surprised at Matteo’s admission, but was glad that he felt he could tell David. He knew how important that was, to be able to talk to someone. He turned silently to face Matteo, and just waited. For whatever Matteo needed next.

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” He looked David in the eye when he said it, but it clearly was a struggle for him.

That was the last thing David expected to hear from Matteo’s lips. Was that why he had locked himself in his room all night? Was that why Matteo looked so devastated?

David couldn’t believe it.

“Do you mean Laura?”

Matteo nodded, again with the barest of effort.

_The idiot_ , he thought, as his heart soared. He made sure to look Matteo in the eye to make sure he understood what he said next. “Laura is my sister.”

Matteo made a breathy noise and looked away for a moment. When he looked back at David there were tears in his eyes…and a small smile from his lips.

David heard Laura’s voice in the distance of his memory—“ _…be careful,”_ —but it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the pounding of his heart. He and Matteo were standing so close…so close that if they both leaned just a little closer...

He looked at Matteo to make sure this is what he wanted. And then, he was moving without any logical reason…he was leaning toward Matteo, Matteo was leaning toward him. They were two magnets, unable to resist being drawn together. Their foreheads touched and he thought his heart was literally going to leap out of his chest.

Somewhere in him, there was one brain cell still in control. His eyes flicked again to Matteo’s to make sure he knew what was going on. _He knew they were going to kiss right? He’s not pulling away._

David made the move. Slowly he tilted his head, he felt the warmth of Matteo’s cheek and his breath and their lips were touching…

The quiet exploded. A door banged open, two angry voices—one male, one female— split the air.

He and Matteo had jerked away from each other the moment they heard the door.

The pissed off guy caught them looking. “Why are you gawking?” he barked before stomping off. 

David was frozen, staring at Matteo. What had they just done? Or almost done? Would Matteo freak out? Should he freak out? His head was spinning.

Matteo was apparently dazed as well. He looked at David, then away, but didn’t move. David looked down at the dirty sink trying to figure out what to do or say next…waiting on a reaction from Matteo. When Matteo said nothing, David turned and walked out.

 


	4. Episode 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's been reading. I realize it follows the show pretty closely but as we get into hell weeks and more of the time David is not with Matteo, I hope I can dig more into what he's feeling and thinking.
> 
> So this episode we have the swimming pool scene. I did some research and was actually able to find what this place really was, since David has "always wanted to go there." Here are a couple links to articles about the place. It was an old military base and yes, really does have one guy who guards it!
> 
> https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3313785/Crumbling-remains-Russia-s-biggest-army-base-Germany-Second-World-War-sale-Little-Moscow.html
> 
> https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2017/jan/11/forbidden-city-inside-abandoned-soviet-camp-wunsdorf-east-germany

SAMSTAG

10:50

 

David opened his eyes and shut them again. He tried rolling over to go back to sleep but images from last night flashed in his head like a slideshow on steroids, stopping on Matteo’s face. His body flushed at the memory of how close they had been, nearly touching. Matteo hadn’t pulled away. But he also hadn’t said anything after they had been interrupted. David was so afraid he’d made a wrong move that he just left without a word.

He picked up his phone. Three messages, all from his sister.

**_L:  Are you awake yet?_ **

**_Helloooo??? Ok you’re either still asleep or ignoring me. (frowning face emoji)_ **

**_All right, I have to go to work. Hope everything went ok last night. Talk later._ **

David exhaled. He was glad his sister was gone, he didn’t want to talk about last night just yet. And what he really wanted was a message from Matteo. He clicked on Matteo’s name and his fingers hovered over the phone, but he wasn’t sure what to say…or if he should say anything.

 

 

SAMSTAG

15:36

 

David found himself pulling his phone out for the millionth time and he’d only been up for a few hours. Still no messages from Matteo. Finally he started typing and hit send quickly before he could change his mind. He bit his lip, watching the phone. 

**_Buongiorno, Luigi_ **

He also sent a photo of toasted cheese sandwiches.

That was goofy and fun, right? It was better than “ _Hey, I really wanted to kiss you last night.”_

_Please don’t be mad Matteo, please don’t be mad._

David went to slip his phone back in his pocket when it buzzed. 

**_M: Buongiorno. Cool that you came yesterday!_ ** ****

David couldn’t help the silly smile that flashed across his face.

 

 

SONNTAG

17:41

 

David was hanging out on the couch, watching a movie with his sister when his phone buzzed. 

**_M: [Movie scene GIF]_ ** ****

**_Wanna hang out next week? p.s. watched the movie._ **

David was surprised—happily surprised. Matteo had actually watched _Only Lovers Left Alive_?

“All right, who’s got you all happy and smiling? Is that Matteo?”

David sighed in exasperation. They stared each other down for a moment before he broke. “Yes it is Matteo.”

“You never told me what happened Friday night.” She paused to hold her hand up. “Not that you have to. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“We talked…and then…sort of, almost kissed.”

Laura’s eyebrows rose. 

“One of his roommates came in yelling at her boyfriend so we got interrupted.”

“You really like him? And he seems to like you?”

“I…I don’t know. I think.”

“Have you told him…about—?”

David looked down and fiddled with his fingers, purposely avoiding looking her in the eye.

“Davi, it’s wonderful that you like him, but he needs to know. Be upfront, now, before you two get too involved.” 

He didn’t respond. He looked at Matteo’s message...and locked his phone.

 

 

 

MITTWOCH

07:59

 

Exams. David was almost done with his, so he asked for a bathroom break. He was coming out of the bathroom when he ran into Matteo in the hall.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” David paused, although he really wanted to get back to the classroom.

“Mm, you good?” 

“Uh, A-levels, you know.” David answered. 

Matteo scoffed and looked down.

A teacher heard them and reprimanded them for talking in the halls.

They separated, David heading back towards his class and Matteo, to the bathroom. At the last second, Matteo turned back. 

“I’d like some cheese toast again sometime.”

David smiled in response but continued on, not wanting to get in trouble again. He shook his head about the cheese toast. At least Matteo was talking to him, and that made him happy.

 

DONNERSTAG

02:45

 

David was putting away the mats in the gym after class and having some difficulty with one that was being particularly stubborn for some reason. Leonie ran up and offered to help. 

David smiled at her. “Thanks. Just grab the other end.” Together they carried it over and threw it on the pile of other mats sitting against the wall. 

When they were done. Leonie stood there, hesitant but clearly wanting to say something. 

“David…Sara invited me to a party and I wondered if you’d like to come along too? It’s tomorrow night. A birthday party for a friend of her boyfriend.”

David was all set to say no and give an excuse until he heard the _“friend of her (Sara) boyfriend.”_ That meant the party was for one of Matteo’s friends. And Matteo—obviously—would also be there.

 _Just say no, just say no…_ “Ah, ok, sure.”

A big smile lit up her face. “Great! I’ll let you know what time when I talk more with Sara.”

She walked away and David wondered what he’d just done. Sure Matteo would be at the party but he’d be there with Sara. _That’s ok, we’re just friends. Yeah sure, and since when do friends try to kiss each other?_ David closed his eyes and sighed.

 

 

FREITAG

11:10

 

David’s phone buzzed. It was an instagram message from Leonie —

**_Sara says we can come early around four. She and Matteo are helping decorate._ **

David was all prepared to type in an excuse for why he couldn’t go but instead responded —

**_Ok._ **

Leonie’s invitation felt like just a “friendly” invitation and he didn’t want her getting any ideas that it might be more, like a date. So he added: 

**_Let’s just meet at school?_ **

 

 

FREITAG

16:07

 

Sara was right on time. The party was being held at a rented room not far from the school, so David had lucked out on picking the perfect meeting spot. And they each had their own bikes, making the trip even quicker.

David felt Matteo’s eyes on him as soon as they entered the room. He tried not to look at Matteo but he couldn’t help himself. The girls were busy hugging and greeting each other, so they didn’t notice anyway. Matteo’s expression was hard to read but he got the feeling that Matteo was caught off guard to see him.

Matteo came over and hugged Leonie first, saying hello. Sara likewise hugged David hello. Then it was their turn. Matteo looked at him briefly and held out his hand for a handshake. David shook it, then set his sights on looking at the decorations and the rest of the room, to avoid staring at Matteo.

Sara told them to put their coats in the room next door, so he and Leonie left the room. David could hear Matteo and Sara raising their voices in the next room and Leonie clearly could too. By the time they reentered the party room, Sara was running off to the bathroom and Leonie followed after her to see what was wrong.

Matteo was pissed off. He exploded and threw a roll of decoration at the wall. Collapsing onto a chair in frustration he looked so utterly wiped and fed up.

David quietly walked over to Matteo. “Everything okay?” He asked, although it clearly was not. He was concerned over Matteo’s outburst but didn’t want to push.

Matteo sighed loudly. “No.” Then he tilted his head to look at David. “Do you want to run away?”

David looked at him. Matteo was existing on a thin edge and David understood how that felt. How escaping felt like the only option. “Ok.” 

They both looked toward the bathroom to make sure the girls were still in there. Then Matteo got up and he and David headed quickly toward the door, keeping an eye out for the girls, as they hustled. 

They grabbed their coats and scarves and left. David knew exactly where he wanted to take Matteo. He automatically got on his bike but Matteo stood there for a minute watching David. He glanced over his shoulder at the door before jumping on Leonie’s bike.

 _Oh shit, Leonie’s going to be pissed,_ David thought, trying not to laugh. Matteo, though, didn’t seem to care. He motioned to David with his hand, urging him to go. So David pushed on the pedals and they were off.

Racing through the streets, Matteo began smiling and David loved seeing that. They both laughed and David tried to make their racing a contest. Which of course, David would win.

“Where are we going?” Matteo asked at a point when they had slowed down enough to talk.

David just grinned at him and pushed his legs harder, speeding past Matteo again.

He slowed down when they finally reached his destination. It was an old military base, headquarters to the Nazis in WWII and then taken over by the Russians until they moved out in the nineties. Way before David was born. But he liked history and old things. He had read about it and how it had been an entire small city almost unto itself, with it’s own movie theater and swimming pool. Now, of course it was in disrepair, crumbling and run-down.

There was still a secured iron gate at the entrance that, while taller than both of them, was not a complete obstacle. David scaled the fence easily and landed on the other side. 

Matteo had not said a word since they had gotten off of the bikes. His expression was wary and exasperated as he looked at the gate. David kept his eyes on him through the iron bars, hoping to taunt Matteo into climbing the gate and joining him. He struggled a bit more than David but he made it over without incident. Matteo smirked as they started walking and wiped his dirty hands on David’s coat, even though David tried to avoid him. He seemed in a better mood and David was glad.

They walked in silence for a while, past many of the abandoned buildings.

“Dude, where are we?” Matteo asked.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Ok.”

“Come.” David encouraged.

David stopped at a building that still had an unblocked opening near the foundation.

“Let’s go in.”

An old door was on the ground hiding part of the opening but that was easily moved.

Matteo chuckled. “You’re not serious, are you?”

David was already slipping down inside the space, so Matteo followed without a word.

It was dark inside, naturally. They were clearly in the underground portion of the building. David pulled out a small flashlight. Matteo saw him and followed suit, pulling out his phone and turning its flashlight on. 

They walked through the dark, underground halls. David spied a round, red object, a faucet handle. He picked it up and pocketed it, a souvenir that might be useful later.

David led them up some stairs and into some upper floor rooms. Matteo was still following, and still in a playful mood. He kicked the back of David’s leg. If his intention was to get a reaction from David, it worked. 

David turned around, wanting to be cross, but instead smiled at Matteo’s cheekiness. “Fuck you!” he said, laughing.

 

They continued on, exploring. David opened another door and they walked into a great hall of light. A huge indoor swimming pool, the upper wall and ceiling were still painted white with large windows letting in light from the outside. Hints of aqua/turquoise blue painted on the lower portions of the walls brightened up the room as well.

The pool, of course, was empty, dirty and neglected. The whole room was cavernous and completely still, the only sounds coming from the two of them.

“Wow.” Matteo expressed.

They both whistled into the void, just to hear the echo. Laughing, David stepped over to the edge of the pool and climbed down the ladder into the pool itself. Matteo followed.

Looking over at Matteo, David realized they were each standing in a different lane of the pool. So he took off at a light run to the other end of the pool, egging Matteo into a race.

Of course he made it to the other end first, he had had a head start. Unfair probably, but a win was a win.

“I won,” he said, grinning as they leaned against the wall. Matteo said nothing but he was smiling as well, and didn’t look too upset. David’s heart warmed, hoping that he was cheering Matteo up and helping him forget whatever (besides Sara) was going on with him.

David gazed up toward the ceiling. “I’ve always wanted to come to this place,” he breathed. The history of the place was horrible—he could imagine the atrocities of the Nazis being ordered in rooms in this facility, to those they felt were "less than" — which included people like him, gay and trans men and women. Now abandoned and decaying. And yet, the architecture inside the pool was beautiful. The unexpected beauty hiding within a broken exterior. 

David looked over at Matteo but he was quiet, also staring up at the vast space above them. He pushed off the wall and headed back toward the other end of the pool, knowing it would get Matteo moving again. They strolled slowly while David watched Matteo…he seemed to be sinking back into his fog again, mindlessly playing with the lane markers as they walked. 

He didn’t even notice David had wandered into his lane until David was right in front of him. That brought Matteo’s attention back to the present. David continued walking backward and circling around so that he was always in Matteo’s sight. They were at the deep end of the pool by now.

“Actually, we’re under water at this moment.” David said the first thing he that came to his mind.

Matteo humored him by simulating silly swimming motions. David had to laugh.

“That means we can’t breathe actually.”

Matteo was still silent so David decided to try taunting him.

“I bet I can hold my breath longer than you.”

Matteo looked amused, but when David took a big breath in, he did too.

David’s heart rate jumped as another idea came to him. They had nearly kissed at the party last week, but then never mentioned it again. If they hadn’t been interrupted…what would have happened? He had been afraid to bring it up or try again. _You dodged a bullet. He would have freaked out. Forget about it._ The small warning voice in his head was too hard to hear over the louder hammering in his chest.

He and Matteo stared into each other’s eyes…each of them taking one step closer with each passing second. A small closed-lip smile crossed Matteo’s face. He jerked his body suddenly, an attempt to break David’s concentration. But David held fast. He knew what he wanted to do. One more step closer…they were just inches apart…

And then he did it. Leaned in and tilted his head just enough…and kissed Matteo. It could be a test. If Matteo reacted badly, David would just brush it off as a distraction tactic.

David pulled away quickly, but Matteo didn’t. Their foreheads touched for a moment while Matteo audibly exhaled. David’s adrenaline was pulsing but he didn’t want to presume anything. So he broke their connection and turned backward, laughing. 

“I won!” he cried, making the whole thing a joke. Just a competition.

“Rematch.”

David’s heart jumped at Matteo’s voice. He hadn’t expected a challenge.

They both inhaled, but the air around them felt different this time. Heavier. David attempted a smile but Matteo looked so serious, he couldn’t. In fact he couldn’t move. He decided he would let Matteo come to him. It needed to be Matteo’s choice. He lowered his gaze to Matteo’s lips. Matteo took another step closer. At this point Matteo was going to win because David really needed to breathe or he was going to—

Matteo’s hands were on his neck, urging his face forward...

The kissing was frantic at first, but soon settled into slower, more tender movements once they each realized the other wasn’t pulling away. The warmth seeped from David’s core throughout his whole body, while his lips tingled with Matteo’s touch. He didn’t even know if he was breathing.

It felt like they kissed for hours, Matteo’s hands rarely leaving the back of David’s neck. He reached up as well, and stroked Matteo’s hair…and his jaw…just wanting to consume him. 

Suddenly the spell was broken. They were jerked awake from their bubble by the loud barking of a big dog, held in check by a large man in a security uniform.

The man yelled at them. David and Matteo clambered out of the pool and started running for their lives.

Once outside, they scaled the fence again and climbed on their bikes. Matteo took the lead this time.

“Come on. My place.” He said.

Again, David’s inner voice tried to warn him but he didn’t even want to hear. Instead he listened to his heart…and followed Matteo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Episode 5

SAMSTAG

15:34

 

David lay silently. Matteo was still asleep and he didn’t want to wake him. He wanted to just enjoy this moment, lying with Matteo and holding him close.

 

Last night was like a dream…a whirlwind Matteo had swept him up in. He didn’t know how he’d gotten here, but he didn’t want it to end yet. When they had gotten back to Matteo’s apartment, they had entered quietly, Matteo going ahead of him to check out who was home. Muted music came from Linn’s closed door, but Hans and Mia’s rooms were both dark. Matteo, holding his hand, looked back at David with the most beautiful smile and pulled David into his room. As soon as they’d shut the door, Matteo’s lips were on David’s and his hands were in David’s hair, weaving through his curls and massaging his scalp.

David felt high and he was perfectly sober. When they both finally needed air, Matteo pulled away, just barely. He stared into David’s eyes, as they both smiled at each other, enjoying the moment. Of course it was Matteo who had to go and break the silence. 

“Wow.” 

David laughed and rolled his eyes. Matteo laughed but didn’t move, still pressing David against the door.

“Maybe we could take our coats off?” David asked. That got Matteo to move. His face was a combo of flustered disappointment that David thought was adorable.

They took their coats off and Matteo pulled out his stash, rolling them a joint. David stood awkwardly while Matteo worked. When Matteo finally got it lit, he took a puff and collapsed on his bed, back against a pillow.

Matteo looked over at David and smiled, holding out the joint. David felt nerves bubbling up inside. The bed scared him. But Matteo’s smile beckoned. He climbed on and took the joint, inhaling quickly before handing it back. He mirrored Matteo, and leaned back against a pillow.

“Can I see your Zelda percentage?” David asked casually.

Matteo’s expression sobered. “You left last time.”

_Shit_. Zelda was probably the stupidest thing he could have brought up, but he was nervous and trying to find a distraction.

David swallowed hard. “I won’t this time,” his voice so quiet it was almost a whisper.

Matteo pulled his laptop on to the bed and soon they were playing video games and trash-talking each other.

“Ha! I won,” David exclaimed after he beat Matteo at one round.

Matteo stared at him mischievously. “Rematch,” he uttered. But he did not restart the game. In fact he didn’t even look at the computer. His eyes never left David’s face. 

David glanced down. _You need to go_ , his inner voice kept telling him. His breathing picked up. He and Matteo were sitting so close. _Go…or stay… go…or stay…_

He lifted his head up to look Matteo in the eye and as soon as he did all verbal thought left his brain. Matteo leaned in and David was drowning again, as they kissed and touched and breathed.

Eventually they simply fell asleep, curled into each other, as the smoke and the emotions of the day pulled them under.

 

And now…it was morning. David gently rubbed Matteo’s shoulder with his fingers. His other hand was in Matteo’s hand, their fingers entwined. Neither spoke, and David felt blissfully happy in this moment.

Matteo had not tried anything last night more than kissing. Their clothes had stayed on. So David laid here with him, both of them hiding away from the world in their own little fantasy bubble together.

They stayed that way for hours…kissing, talking shit, smoking…and kissing some more. They ordered food in at some point. They even got into a silly wrestling match.

“Do you believe in fate?” They were lying down again, smoking, and David was feeling loose.

“You mean like everything is predetermined?” Matteo asked.

“Yes.”

“Yes, sometimes.”

“But you can’t make decisions on your own then,” David replied.

“Is that so bad?”

David started playing with Matteo’s hair. “If you want to have a free will.”

“What are you doing in a case of a natural catastrophe?” Matteo asked. “You can’t decide in that case either?” 

“I run away, hide.”

“And then?”

“Then I’ll wait,” David wasn’t sure if it had been smart to start this conversation. 

“All alone?”

David gave a small nod in response.

“You wouldn’t take anyone with you?” Matteo asked.

_Of course I’d take you._ “Don’t know,” were the words that actually came out of David’s mouth. He looked at Matteo again. “Why?” His throat was dry as he waited to see what Matteo would say.

“To not be alone.”

“Is being alone so bad?”

“Yes.”

Matteo’s answer surprised David. David was used to being alone, it had been his choice. Or rather, he knew it would be the result of the choices he had made. He assumed it had been for Matteo too. “Why are you living alone then? Without your parents?”

Matteo looked away from him, up at the ceiling. He exhaled deeply before speaking. This was clearly something he didn’t want to talk about. “My parents split up. My father moved to Italy and…yeah, I don’t know. With my mother everything is…well, she’s not easy.” 

“I see,” was all David could say, quietly. His heart clenched for Matteo. Surely this was part of why he was sad all the time. David certainly understood about…family issues. He wish he hadn’t asked now, he didn’t want Matteo to think about his problems. 

He was saved by the buzzing of a phone. They had left both of their phones discarded on the floor last night. Matteo made no effort to move, so David shuffled across the mattress to see who it was.

As he hung off the side of the bed he could tell it was his phone. When he flipped it over and saw the caller, he couldn’t believe it.

“Fuck,” he gave an exasperated laugh.

Matteo crawled over to the edge just as his phone also started buzzing. When he flipped his over he threw it back down, clearly not intending to answer it any more than David had planned to answer his.

“Leonie and Sara,” Matteo said.

David looked over at Matteo. “We’re fucked.”

They both laughed. An inappropriate response probably, but fuck it, David didn’t want to deal with the real world at that moment.

Lying back down, their heads together, David looked at Matteo and rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, you won. We’re staying here.”

Matteo’s entire face scrunched up into the cheesiest, happiest smile.

 

  

SONNTAG

07:30

 

David set his phone to a vibrate alarm to make sure he woke up early so that he could leave before Matteo or his roommates woke up.

He eased himself away from Matteo without disturbing him. He hated to leave but he knew he really needed to. Looking around for some paper he spied the container from the food they’d ordered in. He pulled a pen out of his pocket and started drawing. Soon a quick cartoon-style drawing of himself dressed in black as a vampire appeared on the package. He hesitated, trying to figure out what to say… then he smiled as an idea came to him. He drew a sandwich toaster in his arms, and wrote, “What I would take with me.”

David walked over to Matteo’s side of the bed and laid the drawing down next to his pillow. He stared down at him and touched his hair—just barely, so lightly that he wouldn’t wake him. _Go…or stay_ …He sighed. This time he had to go.

 

  

SONNTAG

13:30

 

David finally came out of his room to get something to eat. After leaving Matteo’s, he had managed to sneak into the apartment without Laura hearing, and then went straight to his own bed to go back to sleep for a while. He’d been in his room ever since because he didn’t want to face Laura.

Sure enough, as soon as he entered the kitchen, she was there.

“Well, hello stranger.” 

David rolled his eyes behind her back as he opened the fridge. “Hey.”

“Thank you for texting me and letting me know where you were.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Are you okay?”

“Sure.”

“David, please turn around and talk to me in more than one word answers.” There was an edge to her voice. 

David closed the fridge and turned to face her.

She looked him up and down. “You spent the whole weekend with Matteo? Two nights with Matteo?”

David said nothing.

“So he’s okay with everything?”

David looked down at the floor. 

“David!”

“He doesn’t know.”

She raised her eyebrows in response.

“We didn’t… _do_ anything. We just…kissed. A lot.”

She crossed her arms in front of herself but didn’t say anything right away. When she did, her voice was softer.

“So…what exactly is going on between you two?”

David took a long time answering. “I…I don’t know. Laura, it’s harmless, really. He has a girlfriend and—”

“Wait, you spent the weekend together, kissing, and he _still_ has a girlfriend?” She sighed loudly. “Davi…no relationship is ‘harmless.’ Someone always gets hurt. And if he is with someone else, it’s going to be you.”

David raised his chin defiantly as he looked at her. “It’s harmless. Just a little…hooking up. I’m not ready for more than that.” 

“So you think he’s safe because he has someone else?” Her voice got softer again. “Davi, you can’t play with people. And you can’t hide forever. You need to tell him the truth. But if you’re not ready, then…you need to just walk away.”

Laura got up and left the room. David let out a big breath and kicked the table leg.

  

He spent the rest of the day by himself. He wandered the streets for a while, stopped to get some photos from his phone printed at a photo place. When he finally went back home he stayed in his room, ignoring Laura. He worked in his sketchbook, reviewing his new photos and trying to not think about what he should be thinking about. The problem was he couldn’t stop reliving the weekend and Matteo. And he couldn’t stop staring at one photo—it was of the swimming pool. He kept playing their kiss over and over in his mind. It was so…perfect. Amazing. A smile crept across his face.

He placed the photo on a blank page in his book. His fingers flew as he pieced something together with some tape and his ink pen. When he was done he took a pic on his phone and uploaded it to instagram. He knew Matteo would see it and understand.

 

 

MONTAG

08:31

 

David had typed in half a dozen messages to Matteo and deleted them before sending. Everything from the lame “Hey, what’s up?” to “Good luck with your exam,” to “did you like the drawing I left you?” That one was just really desperate.

He was so conflicted. And the seeds Laura had planted were starting to take root. What _was_ this thing with Matteo? What did he want out of it? He wasn’t even sure he knew…but he did know how he felt with Matteo. And how happy Matteo looked. So different from the sad boy he’d watched for weeks.

His phone buzzed with an alert. Matteo had posted his “matteomonday” meme…it was two dogs, one baring his teeth like he was on the attack and the other dog looking frightened. David laughed. They both looked like the guard dog that had run them off from the pool the other night.

Before he could second-guess it, he typed a message and hit send.

**_Thursday. 11:00 CEST. Here. 52.52406, 13.32604._ **

 

 

MITTWOCH

18:20

 

David was reviewing some video footage he’d taken earlier. He had gone wandering around some nearby abandoned buildings in the area, shooting spaces that called to him, spaces that had visual interest. Even though a room was empty or neglected, it still communicated it’s own story. There was one video clip that he kept returning to...it was such a dark, foreboding room. In direct visual contrast, there was one window in the room that let in so much light, it drew _all_ of the viewer’s attention. As if it were saying, _“here…look at me…I am your way out….”_

He loved it so much, he decided to post it to his Instagram. After he did, he noticed Sara had posted something today. She was singing and he was impressed. She had a really good voice. Then he heard the lyrics and a small chill went through him.

_If I was just another girl_  
Then I'm ashamed to say that I'm not over you  
There's one thing I need to know  
So call me when you're not so busy just thinking of yourself  
_Do you ever think of me when you lie?_  
Lie down in your bed, your bed of lies  
And I knew better than to look in your eyes  
They only pretend you would be mine  
And oh how you made me believe  
You had me caught in every web that you weaved  
But do you ever think of me when you lie? 

The pit of his stomach burned. Damn, that was clearly targeted at Matteo. But David had some responsibility in her hurt as well. _Lie down in your bed of lies…_ did she realize David had been in that bed with Matteo?

He closed his eyes and ran his hands over his face. _Someone always gets hurt,_ Laura had said.

 

 

DONNERSTAG

11:03

 

David waited for Matteo, leaning against the brick wall and looking out at the view—a view he really wasn’t seeing. Too many things were going through his mind. He hadn’t slept well after seeing Sara’s Instagram post last night. He’d even contemplated messaging Matteo and cancelling the whole thing today. He was trying to tell himself that maybe he needed to tell Matteo the truth, maybe he would understand— 

“Don’t be scared.”

Hands had grabbed at his mid-section then let go. Matteo. David turned to face him and couldn’t help the automatic smile that grew on his face. “Hey,” he greeted Matteo.

“Hey,” Matteo said. “So what exactly is here?”

David glanced down nervously. “I’m here.”

Matteo gazed at him with a happy smirk. It unnerved David and he felt his cheeks heat.

“Um, shall we go for a walk?”

“Okay.”

Together, they walked along the river. They talked and laughed. They played fake ping-pong and fenced without swords. It was the best time David had had recently. It had been a while since he had met someone he liked hanging out with.

They finally paused and sat down by the river. Then the bottom fell out for David.

“I broke up with Sara, by the way.”

David’s stomach churned and his heart pounded. “Really?”

“Yes.” Matteo said. “Because there’s this guy…”

David humored him and nodded.

“He has like, dark hair, is a little bit mysterious and has some kind of a sandwich fetish.”

Matteo laughed but all David could do was smile and look away. Matteo leaned over and put his arm around David, pulling him closer. His lips were on David’s and David tried to kiss him back but too much was happening for him to enjoy it. His heart was racing, his mind was whirling and it felt like red alarm bells were going off everywhere in his brain. _Stop! Stop!_

He stopped the kiss and it was all he could do to not push Matteo away physically. But he didn’t want to make a scene.

“Not here, okay?”

“Yeah sure.” Matteo pulled away. He still had a smile on his face and he didn’t push and he didn’t seem upset.

“We could go to my place?” 

“I can’t,” was all David could say, and he couldn’t even look at Matteo. 

Again Matteo didn’t push. “Ok.”

“How is Sara doing?” 

David’s question puzzled Matteo. “Huh?”

“Well, I guess it’s not easy for her.” David did feel for Sara, but he was also trying to make sense of the whole situation he now found himself in. And to get Matteo to realize what he had done. 

“No idea.” Matteo looked at him warily. “Are you trying to make me feel bad, or what?”

“No.” David decided not to push the topic any further. 

He pulled out his phone and ear buds and handed one half to Matteo. “I don’t know if you know him…” He hit play on the song by Hozier. 

David watched Matteo carefully as he listened. David had discovered the song a few years ago when he was going through a really rough time. And the video…he’d remembered watching that video over and over and over, for hours, it felt like. The violence and hatred it portrayed scared David. And Matteo’s words had scared David too. Too much was happening too fast.

When the song was over, David took back his ear buds and stuffed them and his phone back in his pocket. He stood up and tried to look Matteo in the eye.

“I have to go…more studying.”

Matteo just smiled at him. “Ok.”

He also moved to get up, but David turned and walked away. A few yards away he looked back. Matteo was still watching him. David gave a short wave, and continued on, quickening his pace with every step.

 

 

FREITAG

21:13

 

David had been in his room, on his bed, since he’d come home from being with Mateto the day before. Once he’d made it to the apartment and shut the door behind him, he’d taken in a big lungful of air. And another, and another, until he didn’t feel dizzy anymore.

Laura had been so right, even though he would never admit it to her. No relationship was harmless. He really thought…what the hell _did_ he think? His mind was so jumbled he didn’t even know anymore.

Now, though, he understood Sara’s post… _Bed of Lies_ …she knew Matteo had been lying to her. What had Matteo told her when he’d broken up with her? Did he tell her he wanted to be with David? That he liked guys and had been lying to her the whole time? 

And he, David, had been no better. He was lying to Matteo and keeping information from him. Now Sara had been hurt because Matteo had made a decision based on his lies.

Sure, Matteo had been miserable with Sara. But he broke up with her to be with David. He had expected David to be happy about this news and expected them to just…be together now.

This wasn’t supposed to happen yet. David had a plan. He needed to finish school and graduate and then move on with his life. But then he had met Matteo. He allowed himself to get close to him when he knew Matteo was dating someone else because he had foolishly thought Matteo would never want to openly be with him.

But Matteo had no clue who David really was.

After hours of running this situation through his mind, he was exhausted. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He didn’t have it in him to explain everything to Matteo. Besides, once Matteo knew, he would invariably tell his friends and before long it would be over the whole school. 

He wasn’t ready and he didn’t have the strength to face the hurt and the hate and the rejection from Matteo.

Picking up his phone he typed a text to Matteo and hit send before he changed his mind.

**_Hey I think it all went a bit fast somehow. I need some time. Don’t be angry._ **

****

David left his room to sneak into the kitchen to get some food. Things had sounded quiet for the last hour and he figured Laura had gone out for the night. He was fixing some tea when he heard her door open. _Shit._

“Hey, what’s up? You’ve been hidden away since yesterday?” Her voice was sleepy.

“Nothing.”

“But—“ 

I don’t want to talk about it Laura!” His voice was forceful but the hand that stirred his tea was shaky. He bit his lip to keep the tears in.

She walked over quietly and placed her hand on his to stop his nervous stirring. Then she simply wrapped her arms around him and held him in a tight hug and waited.

He took deep breaths and did not cry, but he did hold on to her tight. “I fucked everything up,” he whispered.

He didn’t say anything more and she didn’t ask. They curled up together on the couch and turned on a movie but David soon fell asleep. 

There was a knock at the door and Laura got up to answer it.

“Is David here?”

“Ah, you’re Matteo aren’t you?” She recognized him from the party and from David’s drawings.

“Yes, can I talk to him for a second?”

“He’s not here.”

“Okay, I know it’s bad timing right now…”

“I’m really sorry, Matteo.” She cut him off but he persisted.

“Can you at least tell him—”

“I’m sorry.” And then she shut the door. 

She sat back down on the couch and looked over at David. He was still asleep but his phone was on the table. It started buzzing with some alarm so she picked it up to silence it, to not wake him up. When she did, the screen unlocked and opened to the last app he’d had open. It was a message to Matteo just a short while ago. She read it, glanced at David again and made a decision. She didn’t know what was going on with the two of them, but she hadn’t seen David like this in a long time. He had come so far. 

Quickly she typed and sent the message.

**_Please leave me alone. I’m not into you._ **


	6. Episode 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize it's taken so long to get this next chapter up. I had hoped to keep up to the timing of the show a little more, but the show is now over, LOL. I am going to finish this out, and I'll try to get the rest of the chapters up sooner.

SAMSTAG

10:45

 

David was awake but had no desire to get out of bed yet. 

Head still on his pillow, he reached over to the nightstand for his phone. Swiping the screen, he wasn’t sure what he expected to see, since not many people had his number. He didn’t want to admit that there was a part of him that hoped Matteo might—

He saw the screen and sat straight up in bed. He read the words over again.

**_Please leave me alone. I’m not into you._ **

His heart rate spiked. Running his hand through his hair, his mind raced over last night. He did not remember sending this text. He never would have been so…harsh. 

David jumped out of bed and hurried into the hall. He pounded on Laura’s door until she yelled.

“All right! Jesus, just stop! Come in.”

David entered her room, the door banging against the wall. Laura was leaning up in her bed. Groaning when she saw it was him, she flopped back down on the bed and held a pillow over her head.

“What is it David?” her voice was muffled and barely understandable. 

“There is a text on my phone that I know I didn’t send.”

There was silence, so David stalked over to sit down on the bed. He wrenched the pillow away from her face.

She opened one eye to look at him.

“There is a text to Matteo? An angry text, telling him to leave me alone? I never would have said that!”

She sighed and slowly sat up. 

“He showed up here last night. You’d already fallen asleep on the couch. I…told him you weren’t here.”

He put his head in his hand. “Laura—”

“Look, you seemed to be really upset yesterday about something. When he showed up at the door, I figured it had something to do with him. I just told him you weren’t here to give you more time to yourself for now. And then…well, after he left, some alarm went off on your phone. When I went to shut it off I saw the text you had sent to Matteo.” 

“So you sent him a text that he believes came from me? I only told him I wanted some time…and now he thinks I don’t want him at all! Laura, what—” he had to pause to take a deep breath. He was shaking with his anger at Laura. “You had no right to do that!” 

“You’re right,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry Davi, that was…well, I should not have done it. I’m just worried over you. You were in a good place before you started hanging out with him and…I don’t want you to lose the ground you’ve gained. I don’t want him to hurt you.”

David didn’t say anything for a few seconds as he tried to calm himself. “I’m in a good place when I’m with him. It’s…a beautiful place, actually. But he’s not the problem. I am.”

She sighed. “But that’s just it Davi. You should never think that you’re a problem.”

David looked down at the floor, unable to meet her eyes. He finally got up and walked away, pausing when he got to the doorway. He turned his head back in Laura’s direction but again, still not looking at her. “Thank you for being concerned…but don’t ever do anything like that again.”

He left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

He was restless and agitated the rest of the day, and couldn’t concentrate on studying. As he usually did in these moments, he sought solace in his sketchbook and poured his feelings onto the page. He drew the upper torso of a figure wearing a hooded sweatshirt, the hood covering part of the person’s face and casting shadows on the rest. When it was done, he felt a little lighter, a little less tightly wound. He posted it on Instagram, hoping maybe Matteo would see it and understand that he was also hurting.

 

 

 

MONTAG

11:45

 

David checked his phone again. No messages from Matteo.

He checked Instagram for what had to be the tenth time already that morning. No post from Matteo. Matteo _always_ posted some silly meme and tagged it “matteomonday.” But not today.

 

 

 

DIENSTAG

14:10

 

David was lying on his bed. He’d been there most of the day. His phone buzzed and he scrambled to grab it from the other side of the bed. It was just a reminder alert about his appointment with Dr. Alberg tomorrow. Sighing loudly he tossed the phone, hard enough that it bounced heavily on the soft surface.

Another day with nothing from Matteo. David had been on Instagram constantly checking Matteo’s account…nothing new. He was worried about him. It was probably stupid of him to expect Matteo might message him now. But if he could just see something posted on Instagram, something to prove that Matteo was ok…

He picked up his phone again and opened the message thread and his fingers froze over the keyboard…probably the hundredth time he’d done this since Friday. But he didn’t know what to say and he didn’t want to hurt Matteo further.

Laura knocked on his door and came in. “David, the phone again? You’ve been stuck to it for days. Have you even gone out of this room?”

He looked at her without changing expression. Her words irritated him but he saw the lines of concern on her face. Her eyes looked sad and it was hard to be upset with her when she looked like that. She just wanted the best for him.

“No.” he replied softly.

“Why don’t you go out for a bit? Take your sketchbook?” she said quietly.

He nodded reluctantly.

 

Once outside he wandered the streets aimlessly. Several times he sat and started a sketch of something he saw, but he couldn’t bring himself to finish anything. He’d start on a blank piece of paper, make a few strokes half-heartedly and then just…stop. He didn’t have the energy to even sketch. His mind was blank. He didn’t even have any ideas he wanted to put down on paper. And he kept checking his phone…

 

 

 

MITTWOCH

13:25

 

David sat on the examining table as Dr. Alberg listened to his heartbeat through his stethoscope. 

“Um…hmm…good.” The doctor moved beside David to place the stethoscope on his back. “Ok, deep breaths in and out.”

David complied and Dr. Alberg did his thing. “Um…hmm…good, good!”

It was David’s regular check-up, a typical routine. The doctor finished up by pressing his fingers under David’s jawline to check his neck and glands. Finally satisfied, Dr. Alberg stepped away with a smile and made some notations on his iPad. They had already discussed how David’s hormone levels were and if he was having any issues—which he wasn’t. David felt great, physically at least.

“Well, I think everything looks great David, you’re doing well.”

David nodded.

Dr. Alberg sat down on a chair and looked up at David, placing his iPad face down on his lap. “Now…what else is going on?”

That question surprised David. “I…Nothing. Why? I told you I feel good.”

“Why? Because you haven’t smiled once since you walked into my office. The last time you looked like this, you were having trouble in school. Is that the issue again?”

David glanced down at his hands and started to shake his head but stopped. “I do have to go speak to my PE teacher next week. He doesn’t want to grade me properly. But…no, otherwise school is ok.”

Dr. Alberg nodded but didn’t move, giving David space and time to continue and David realized he wasn’t going to get out of the office without coming clean.

“I…met someone. A boy. We kind of had a thing.” David felt the heat in his cheeks and he wished the floor would just open up and swallow him. “I… really like him.”

Dr. Alberg smiled now. “That’s wonderful!”

“Or not?” he said quizzically when David still looked pained. 

David looked away again, and his fingers curled into his hands, making a fist. “He doesn’t know…I haven’t told him.” He closed his eyes tightly, feeling tears start and he wanted to keep them in. “I’m afraid…he will not want to be around me anymore.”

“That response is completely valid, David, especially with your past experience. But this is part of the process. Of growing up and getting involved with someone. You owe it to him to be honest.”

“But…what if I’m not ready?”

“It’s okay to take the time you need. Do things on your terms, yes, but…also know that there is always going to be a risk, good or bad. If you tell him, he may leave. But what if he stays? Having people in our lives is always worth the risk. And if you don’t take that risk, you end up isolating yourself. It’s like you’re on a desert island with no bridges to the other islands because you are too afraid to take the risk of building those bridges.”

David closed his eyes, but nodded as he let the doctor’s words sink in. The island metaphor seemed a little out there, but he understood what Dr. Alberg meant.

“Would it help if I got you a referral appointment to talk to Dr. Maskowitz again?”

Dr. Maskowitz was the psychologist David had had to go to when he was getting approved for hormones. She was nice enough but he didn’t want to go back right now.

“Nah, I think I’ll be okay.” David forced a smile that he hoped was enough to reassure the doctor.

 

Walking home, David thought about what the doctor had said. He knew Dr. Alberg was right. Deep down he knew that it was going to come to this—to telling Matteo. Isolating himself to casual friendships during school hours had been his original plan. And it had worked. No one knew he was trans except a few of the school administration and the teachers, and they only knew because he’d had to tell them when he’d enrolled. But then Matteo had come along.

He'd let himself get swept away in that boy. A sad smile crossed his face, just thinking about Matteo. It was hard not to. There was just something about him that David wanted to be around. The word _needed_ immediately popped into his head, but David ignored it and pushed it down deep. He wasn’t ready to accept that word yet, he couldn’t. Dr. Alberg had asked _“But what if he stays?”_ David just couldn’t see that happening and he didn’t want to let himself consider that as an option. Because that hope would only lead to hurt in the end. No one—except his sister and godmother—stayed once they found out his secret.

 

 

 

DONNERSTAG

15:20

 

David was supposed to be studying but he kept doodling in one of his notebooks. Then he’d check his phone. Then more doodling. Then the phone again.

Frustrated after he’d picked up the phone yet again, he threw it back on the desk without even unlocking the screen. He was still worried about Matteo. He remembered the party, when Matteo had locked himself away in his room. How sad he had looked when he thought Laura was David’s girlfriend. And how happy he had been when he told David that he had broken up with Sara.

What if he had caused Matteo to retreat again? How bad was it this time?

David, his heart pounding, got up from the chair and rushed out of the room. He got as far as the front door. He even put his coat on, but when he reached out to the door handle he couldn’t force himself to turn it. He just couldn’t. 

His whole body sagged against the door. Exhaling loudly, he let his shoulders and body relax. Tears welled up but he blinked them away. David didn’t like to think of Matteo upset because of him. But trying to imagine it from Matteo’s perspective…of course Matteo was hurt and confused. He’d been wrong to lead Matteo on, wrong to initiate anything with him. It wasn’t Matteo’s fault, it was all him.

Suddenly David got up and ran to his room. Sitting down at his desk he grabbed at a blank piece of paper and started scribbling frantically.

When he was done, he looked at what he’d drawn. Himself as a vampire cartoon character, holding a cheese sandwich. He drew a large speech bubble and wrote the words, _“It’s not **you** , it’s me!”_ Pausing briefly, pen poised over the paper, he decided to add _“maybe in eternity,”_ underneath. It was clichéd but it was true. It _was_ him, he just wasn’t ready to wreck this perfect bubble he had concocted for himself that protected himself from the outside world. No one knew he was trans and it was going to stay that way. He didn’t care what Dr. Alberg said, he liked his own little island and he was going to stay on it…alone.

But at least maybe this note would help Matteo. His heart twisted as he stared down at the paper…but it had to be.

Quickly he folded the paper once and found an envelope. He hesitated briefly—he didn’t want to post it in the regular mail, he wanted Matteo to have it today. Getting up he grabbed his keys and phone and headed out of the apartment.

 

 

 

FREITAG

12:05

 

David rubbed his eyes and grabbed his phone. Ugh, it was noon already. He hadn’t slept much last night because he couldn’t stop thinking about Matteo and if he had found his card. The last time he remembered checking the time it was 3:30. Sometime after that his body had said enough and finally crashed into sleep.

He unlocked his phone screen. There was an Instagram notification from matteohno. Heart catching in his throat, he clicked it. _“Back on Track #paffpaffpass #florenzifriday #tgif ”_ The photo was of someone holding a joint up to the smoke cloud coming from distant smokestacks so it looked like the smoke was coming from the joint.

David shook his head but smiled, tears pricking his eyes. The smile didn’t last long though, as he put his phone down slowly and buried his head in his pillow.


	7. Episode 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry again that this chapter took so long. I'm really going to try and get the other chapters up quicker. The hellweek episodes (without David) are fun to explore from his perspective but also more challenging to write.

SAMSTAG

15:45

 

David looked down at the sketch he’d just finished. It was Adam and Eve from _Only Lovers Left Alive._ Eve dressed in her white suit, pulling Adam, dressed all in black. They were striking visuals—simple shapes, one light, and one very, very dark. He posted a photo of it on his Instagram, and then flipped to another blank page in his book. 

Laura knocked on his door before opening it. “I brought dinner home. From your favorite Indian place.” 

David followed her into the kitchen, where there were containers of food and two place settings on their tiny kitchen table. He picked up a plate and began dishing out portions from each of the containers. 

“No eating in your room tonight.” Laura said, sitting down in one of the chairs.

David paused, spoon raised above his plate. His favorite takeout _and_ a request to eat at the table meant Laura wanted to talk about something. He finished filling his plate and sat down across from his sister without a word. All was silent except for the scraping of forks on plates.

“Ok, so…what _is_ going on with you and Matteo?” Laura finally broke the silence.

David looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

She sighed and put down her fork. “Davi, I apologized for the text. I’ll say it again, I’m sorry; I never should have sent that without you knowing. I shouldn’t have texted from your phone at all. But I don’t think the blame is all on me here. Your text told him you needed time. And you’ve been sulking around this apartment ever since. What happened?” 

David stared down at his food, not wanting to meet her eyes and not wanting to talk about this, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with that. He took a breath. “Matteo broke up with Sara, his girlfriend. To be with me.”

Laura’s immediate smile died on her face as soon as she saw the sadness on David’s. She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. “And…you don’t want to be with him?”

There was no response from David. Laura waited patiently until he finally looked at her, eyes shiny. 

“Oh Davi. Why are you stalling him? This is wonderful…isn’t it?”

David pulled his hand away from hers. “I’ll have to tell him. And…I can’t. Not right now. I don’t know how he’ll react, and I don’t want anyone at school to find out.”

Laura drew her hand back and her heart broke for her brother. “Ok. I understand that,” she said quietly. “So…why did you hang out with him so much? I mean, you practically spent a whole weekend at his place.” She knew that made David uncomfortable because he started poking at the food on his plate and refused to look at her.

She sighed. “It’s obvious he means a lot to you. And he clearly likes you. I won’t lie, I didn’t think much of him before. But he’s done all the right things—he ended the relationship with the girl; he came here that night, practically begging to talk to you. Now I feel even worse that I sent that text. I thought he’d done something to hurt you.” She paused, looking for some sign that her words were affecting him. Sadly, his expression never changed.

“ _You_ were the one who told me if I wasn’t ready, then I needed to walk away!” David’s words had a bite to them.

Laura frowned. “I did…that’s true. And it’s still true. But sometimes, we’re never ready. And we either take a leap and try or sit on the sidelines and watch things pass us by. Look, it’s your life, Davi and your decision. But you can’t keep turning away everyone new who comes into your life. You can’t keep hiding yourself away.”

David swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and blinked to keep the tears in. He raised a forkful of food but then stopped and instead set the utensil back down. His mouth was dry and all desire for food was gone. Picking up his plate, he placed it in the sink and walked away. At the doorway, he paused. “Thanks,” he whispered, before continuing back to his bedroom.

 

David collapsed onto his bed with his headphones. First Dr. Alberg and now his sister…he got what they were saying, but they didn’t have to live his life. They didn’t know what it was like. _Take a leap,_ Laura said. But she had no clue. That “leap” right now felt more like trying to jump over the widest, vastest ocean. And the only guarantee was that he would drown.

 

 

 

MONTAG

09:30

 

David finished another lap around the park. Breathing the cool air, being out in the sunshine and working his body felt good. Getting out of the apartment felt good. This morning, after his sister left for work, he forced himself to get up and do something. He threw on his sweats and decided to go out for a run. The school gym was supposed to be available for the advanced PE students, but he didn’t want to run into Neuhaus. That was one reason he had stayed home all last week. But if he wanted to pass PE and prove to Neuhaus that he was just as good as everyone else, he had to stay in shape. 

When he’d gotten the email with his requirements for the PE exam he hadn’t thought much of it at first—until he overheard Sara and Leonie talking. They had mentioned some of the same running and strength exercises that he had been assigned. That was when he realized he had been given the girl’s requirements. Frankly, he thought it was ridiculous in these modern times that there needed to be differences between what the boys did and what the girls did for the exam, anyway. But knowing he had been sent the wrong test requirements—he was angry and disappointed. Neuhaus never said much to him in class, although David had caught him watching him and shaking his head. He got that Neuhaus didn’t understand, but he could not excuse the email as a mistake. All of David’s teachers had been told when he enrolled that he was transgender. Neuhaus was the only one who seemed to have a problem with it.

He emailed Neuhaus back and got a response to come to his office Friday at 3 p.m.

  

He ran a few more laps before slowing and cooling down with a walking lap.

His phone buzzed with an alert. It was Instagram. He smiled as he opened the app and saw the post. #Matteomonday — Matteo had posted a Happy Easter message of a small girl sitting on the lap of a very creepy looking Easter Bunny.

 

 

 

DIENSTAG

08:30

 

David pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. He heard footsteps behind him suddenly stop.

“You’re up!” Laura exclaimed.

David turned and tried to look nonchalant. “I’m going for a run.”

“About time, you were starting to look a little flabby.”

He threw a dishtowel at her as he walked by her. She laughed and caught it in time to slap his arm with it before he left out the front door.

 

 

 

DIENSTAG

17:15

David sat down on his bed with his sketchbook and phone. It had been a decent day. He had run this morning. Stopped for breakfast. Then came home and studied for most of the afternoon. He made dinner for Laura, as a peace offering for his attitude the past week and a half. He’d almost burned it though, for all the times he checked his Instagram looking for any sign of Matteo.

He picked up the sketchbook, but his gaze slid over to the phone. Maybe he’d just check it now before he started sketching, then he wouldn’t have to stop while he worked. He unlocked the screen and went to Instagram. His heart leapt—there were pictures from Matteo. He and his friends, playing ping pong. Matteo wasn’t smiling much but he and his friends looked like they were having fun.

The next image that popped up literally stabbed David in the heart. The one boy—Jonas—had his hand in Matteo’s hair and was kissing the top of Matteo’s head. Matteo was leaning into Jonas so much they were almost embracing. David’s chest hurt and he had trouble breathing. His hand shook as he dropped the phone on the bed, screen side down.

It wasn’t what it looked like…probably…right? He had seen Jonas throw his arm around Matteo before, back when he watched Matteo in the halls, before they had ever said a word to each other. Matteo’s group of friends was close with each other and they showed it. So that’s all this probably was.   
  
David closed his eyes and saw the picture inside his lids. Tears threatened. He realized he was jealous of Jonas in that moment…whether it was more than just friendship or not, Jonas was allowed to touch Matteo and be with him in public; he could see Matteo whenever he wanted and could talk to him.

David suddenly felt so tired. He tossed the sketchbook aside and lay down, burying his head in the pillow.

 

 

DIENSTAG

20:23

 

David awoke with a start, leaning up on his elbows. He looked around the room, getting his bearings. Slowly his heart rate slowed and his breathing calmed. He had been dreaming…he was walking, almost running through the streets…then he’d seen a fox walking toward him.

He scrambled around and found his sketchbook. He grabbed a pencil and started scribbling. When he was done he looked at it and the words he’d written under it…neither the fox nor the words made much sense but he wanted to record the dream because it felt important somehow. _Yesterday I saw the fox again. He came towards me on the sidewalk, about half past three in the morning. He walked very calmly towards me. When he was about 5 meters away from me, he switched to the street and said…_

David stopped. The dream was disappearing from his brain. He couldn’t remember the words the fox had imparted to him. He sat the pencil down and rubbed his eyes and his whole face with his fingers. It was a crazy dream, that much he remembered.

He reread what he had written…it reminded him of the story, The Little Prince. It had been his favorite book when he was younger. What he’d written wasn’t part of the real story but it was similar in tone.

Shaking his head he started to close the sketchbook, then hesitated. Grabbing his phone he posted the fox image to his Instagram, quickly closing out the photo of Matteo and Jonas that was still on his Instagram feed.

 

 

 

DONNERSTAG

19:45

 

David rubbed his bleary eyes and sat back in his chair. The glare from his computer screen was the only light in his darkened room. Glancing at his phone he realized it was later than he thought.

He flicked on the desk lamp and his eyes immediately hurt at the flood of bright light.

He had been restless all day. He’d been fine when he woke up and went for his run. But then he got home and the reminder came up on his phone about his appointment with Neuhaus and he broke out in a sweat and his brain started spiraling. He couldn’t calm down or think of anything else. He finally grabbed his sketchbook and took some of his fear and aggressions out in his sketchbook. He started drawing lines on paper and they formed into shapes and shading and when he was done he looked at what he’d drawn—it was a person, one side of them dressed as a boy and the other dressed as a girl. He put a binder on the person, then drew some other parts on the shoulders of the clothing to mask the binder and make it appear as if maybe it was a ballet or corseted dress. When he was done it looked just “female” enough that most people probably wouldn’t even notice the boy underneath. They wouldn’t see what he saw so clearly.

It was a risky picture to put up on his Instagram but he did it anyway. He didn’t have that many followers, and no one who saw it would really understand what the image meant. But even after he finished the drawing he still felt twitchy, so he had turned to his computer and started messing around in his animation program. It worked—his brain became distracted by the focus the program required. He applied actions, reworked and changed things over and over until he was finally satisfied. Hours had passed, the room had darkened and he was now exhausted enough to maybe sleep. He glanced one more time at the computer screen. He’d drawn two figures in a convertible driving down the road. They passed a road sign pointing to Detroit. And one of them had a thought bubble showing them dreaming of a toasted cheese sandwich. He smiled tiredly and rubbed his eyes again. It was a lot of work spent on a sappy little cartoon…but it made him forget about Neuhaus and made him think of Matteo. He hit the Save button then shut down his laptop and crawled into bed.

 

 

 

FREITAG

13:05

 

David closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Exhaling slowly, he opened his eyes, face to face with the nameplate on the door. “HERR NEUHAUS.” He took another deep breath in as he raised his curled fist and knocked on the door.

He heard footsteps and then the door was opened. Neuhaus towered over him.

“Schreibner,” was how he acknowledged David. Neuhaus called most of his students by their first names, but with David it was always like his tongue tripped over calling him David, so he finally just settled on using Schreibner. David had thought about pushing the subject, but decided in the end it wasn’t worth the battle. After all it was just about getting through the rest of the year to get to his Abi.

Neuhaus didn’t invite David fully into his office, just over the threshold. “Right on time,” he said, as he glanced at his wristwatch. “I’m about ready to head home though. What is it you wanted to discuss Schreibner?”

David gulped. “Herr Neuhaus. I–I wanted to talk about the requirements list for the Abi exam that I received.”

Neuhaus’ brow furrowed. “And?”

“And I think you sent me the wrong list. It is the girls’ test, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I need the boys’ requirements.”

“But I can’t give those to you. You’re ID states you are a girl, no? So you get the girls’ test. Those are the rules.”

David felt the heat of anger rising in him and his heart sped up. “But I am a boy. I should be given the boys’ test.”

“Schreibner, I can’t do that. The rules state that each student completes the activities based on their physical—”

“And I am a boy!” David’s voice was rising to match his anger and fear level. “I should be tested the same as the other boys.”

Neuhaus started to use a profanity but stopped himself in time. David noticed and turned to leave. Out in the hall, he made himself turn around and face Neuhaus again.

“I’m not a girl!”

“Yes you are,” Neuhaus answered back. “From a physical point of view, right? Or not?”

“I don’t want to be assessed differently!” David turned and left, running down the stairs. He didn’t want to get into a discussion of his physical body with Neuhaus. Dr. Steinberg, the head of the school, had promised him that the teachers and staff would respect that he was transgender. And he had not had any issues with any of them except for asshole Neuhaus. He’d stayed silent, put up with him and now that he was almost done and out of this place… _now_ Neuhaus was going to cause problems.

David ran out of the school building and ran and until he couldn’t breathe and had to stop. Bending over, hands on his knees, he gulped in air until is lungs weren’t on fire anymore. He was by a park so he walked over and slumped down in front of a tree. His heart was still hammering but it wasn’t from the run. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He didn’t want to take the girls’ test. And how would that be explained to the other students? They would all know when he showed up for the test.

His phone buzzed with a message from his sister.

_How did the meeting go with your gym instructor?_

He darkened the screen and didn’t even answer her.

 

 

 

FREITAG

21:13

 

David had been wandering the city for hours. He was hungry, his feet hurt and he was exhausted—a thorough, bone-tired, exhausted.

He came to an empty bench and sank down on it gratefully. There were two boys sitting on the bench next to him but they were far enough away he wouldn’t be disturbing them. As he glanced over, his heart temporarily skipped a beat. The boy nearest to him was facing the other boy and all David could see was a glimpse of messy, straw-colored hair emerging from a beanie. He couldn’t hear the exact words they were speaking but the tone of voice and the way the boy slouched reminded him so much of Matteo that he almost thought it was him at first.

Then they both broke out in laughter and the other boy handed the Matteo-look-alike a lit cigarette. “Matteo” took a long puff from it and as he did, he shifted towards David enough that David could see his facial features. David’s body sagged back against the bench—it was definitely not Matteo. But his heart twisted just the same. His phone buzzed and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket, hoping maybe—no, it was just his sister again.

 _Davi, where are you? Are you ok?_  

Message number four, including the one hours ago, after his meeting with Neuhaus. He knew he should answer her back but his fingers instead went to contacts and started typing Matteo’s name. The last message that was sent between them shone up at him.

**_Please leave me alone. I’m not into you._ **

Laura’s hurtful message. He hated that those words were the last text communication between them. His thumbs paused over the keyboard. He typed, deleted…typed some more…deleted. Finally he decided to do what he did best—communicate through his art. He accessed his online dropbox and sent Matteo the animation he’d made yesterday of the two of them driving away to Detroit.

He darkened his phone again and looked up. The boys on the next bench had stood up, and now David could see that the boy he’d thought was Matteo was much shorter than the other boy. They were speaking but in quieter tones and standing very close to each other, so David had no clue what they were saying. Suddenly the taller boy pulled the shorter one into a tight embrace. Shorter boy sighed audibly as he snuggled his cheek into the other boy’s shoulder. The taller boy was murmuring something to him before he pulled away just enough to bend down and tenderly kiss the shorter boy on the lips.

Unaware of David just a short distance away, in their own little world, they kissed eagerly, openly, hands stroking cheeks and fingering hair. David couldn’t stop staring, even though he knew he should look away and give them privacy. An ache so sharp spread though his chest, almost taking his breath away. It had been such a shitty day and he was so weary, all he wanted so desperately in that moment was to be the shorter boy, embraced and held up by someone who loved him.

It was at that moment his phone buzzed and he hurriedly checked it. It was Matteo but his words shook David.

_Stop sending me drawings if you don’t want to be together with me._

For a moment he felt like he had just been sliced open. His eyes grew wet and he blinked rapidly to keep tears from falling. He looked over at the couple, who were still there. The taller boy placed one last kiss on the other boy’s forehead before they pulled away from each other. Their outstretched hands were the only parts of them still touching, but there were smiles of pure joy on their faces. 

They finally parted, each going off in opposite directions. 

“So tomorrow, the Alex at 13:00?” the shorter boy yelled.

“Of course!” The taller boy motioned blowing a kiss. “Sweet dreams, my love!”

The shorter boy laughed. “Idiot!” he yelled back. But he looked completely smitten.

Now truly alone, the dark silent night surrounding him, David looked down at his phone again sadly. _“…if you don’t want to be together with me.”_ He closed his eyes. He did want to be with Matteo, he wanted to be with him so much it hurt.

His brain was too exhausted to list—again—all of the rational reasons that he always gave himself about why he couldn’t be with Matteo. He just didn’t have the energy to fight with himself about this tonight. Sniffling, he stood up, pocketed his phone and started walking.

 

 

Hand shaking, heart galloping in his chest, he reached up and hit the buzzer.

“Hello?”

The voice was tinny through the speaker but it was definitely Matteo. David swallowed and licked his lips. “H-Hi.” His voice sounded rough. He hadn’t eaten or drank anything all day and his throat was dry. “It’s David.” 

The silence felt like it lasted forever. Finally he heard the door buzz and the latch let go. Well, Matteo was letting him in…hopefully that was a good sign.

David started up the stairs, slowly, as the exhaustion combined with not eating was really taking its toll. Not to mention the fluttering in his stomach over what this encounter would be like.

On the way over, David had decided he was going to tell Matteo the truth. He had to, especially with the Neuhaus thing—people were going to find out. And Matteo definitely deserved to find out from him. He was so scared though.

As he headed up the last flight of stairs to Matteo’s floor, he heard a lot of footsteps and whispering voices, but he ignored them. It was an apartment building, after all, other people lived here too. He had one focus.

When he reached the landing at the top, he paused. Matteo had the door open, waiting on him.

As he looked at Matteo, his mind blanked in fear. Matteo was the first to speak.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” David answered. He managed to make his feet move, walking in front of Matteo and into the apartment hallway.

Matteo shut the door and then shuffled over towards where he was standing, still keeping a distance between them. He was not going to make this easy for David.

David faced Matteo. He parted his lips. But standing here in front of him…looking into his eyes…David’s fear had such a vice grip on him, he couldn’t force words out. He didn’t know what to say. Matteo was also not saying anything, nor moving. He was waiting on David and his expression was hard to read. 

David wasn’t sure if he had ruined everything for good or if there was still a chance but standing there, in front of Matteo, all he wanted was contact. The words would have to wait. He stepped forward and leaned in, touching his forehead to Matteo’s. Just that small warm spot of contact nearly did him in. He started to move in for a kiss but then stopped. One kiss would lead to another and another and more intimacy than was probably good for them right now. And he didn’t feel that was fair to Matteo yet…not until he knew the truth. And frankly he wasn’t sure he had the strength right now.

Instead he buried his face into Matteo’s shoulder and pressed himself closer. When he felt the acceptance of Matteo’s arms come up around his back, holding him, his whole body went boneless, sinking into Matteo’s comfort. The stress of the day had taken its toll and this was the only thing that would ease the strain.

They stayed that way for a while before they both pulled away. Matteo was still looking at him but David couldn’t force his eyes to meet Matteo’s.

Matteo reached his hand up to stroke David’s cheek. “Are you ok?”

David nodded, still not looking at him.

“Are you hungry? If you are…I don’t have any food. Not even for a cheese sandwich.” 

Matteo’s slight smile was very unsure. He tried to muster a smile himself but the muscles weren’t working. He closed his eyes. This was stupid; he shouldn’t have come. Any minute now Matteo was going to kick him out if he didn’t say something.

He started to turn, to leave, but Matteo grabbed his arm.

“Don’t go. It’s ok.”

David stopped. They stared at each other. Matteo’s hand slid down his arm to take his hand, lacing their fingers together. He pulled David along with him to his bedroom.

Matteo turned on a light and shut the door. David stood, not moving, while Matteo removed his beanie and then his coat. He guided David over to the bed, made him sit, and then bent down and took David’s shoes off. 

David’s body fell backward onto the bed. It felt so nice and soft and warm, he could barely keep his eyes open. The floorboards creaked as Matteo moved around the room. Then the light went out and he felt Matteo pull the covers away and slide into bed with him. David didn’t move to get under the covers with him, he couldn’t move. His eyes fell shut for good, his mind and body giving in finally to sleep.

 


End file.
